From where do I come from? Where am I headed? What am I creating with this one holy life? I walked into the waters with my wedding dress on. I remember what it was like, to be married. When I was stepping into marriage I was in some sort of passive trance. I remember I felt like I was floating above my life, watching it all unfold beneath me. I didn’t know how to be actively engaged. I was allowing. I was a part of the creation unfolding.
Three children came from that union. I can’t pretend there is no miracle in that. I can’t wipe it away or regret it or wish it were different. The three of them are something beyond what you can possibly describe. One just has to experience their existence to know that they were meant to come through in this way. This life. This time. His sperm and my eggs. United. Them. My three. The three that came through.
I don’t often know how to create everything that is held within me. Some say I have a difficult relationship with reality. I say…reality is imagined. I have a hard time with limitations. Know the difference.
I come from water. It is how I was formed. I floated and danced in embryonic fluid. I came from the sea of I AM. I was formed in the womb and I was wonderfully made. You were, too.
What happens when we leave those waters? What happens when we return?
I haven’t always been strong enough to decide, consciously, what I am going to create. I have gone with the rapids and got lost in the waves instead of forming my own current. This is where I went under. This is where I lost my form. This is where I began to grasp and flounder and reach and splash about in effort to know what is real.
This. This is where my husband left.
He created a new life with a new partner in a new world.
In what ways are we being true to the very salt that formed our skin? How are we reaching deep inside our breath and begging for truth? Are we just passing along on the current? Waiting for life to be created with our half-hearted approval?
I no longer want to ignore my beginnings. I am uninterested in merely creating what is expected of me or with what age brings or divorce or pain or narrowing circumstance. I was made in the waters. I was brought to life for whatever reason. I was created. Having desperately tried to create a life with someone not made of my same depth, water, life, yoke…I know now, I am only driven to co-create with someone born of the same star as my soul.
Until then. If then. I create with love. I create with heart. I turn to the distant memory of where I came from, I take a deep breath and I breathe into belief.
This is part ONE of our next installment for The Holy Contradiction Project. Creation & Destruction. We decided to try something a little different this go around. This installment required two different locations, which meant we needed to do two different sessions. We are looking forward to sharing Part Two: Destruction with you soon.
Each shot in this post was a collaboration. Images of me were taken by the dynamic Georgia, while images of her were taken by me. I did all edits you see here on the photos within this post. To see Georgia’s interpretation of our session please visit her here.